AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Military jokes and funny stories.

- What do you think about the coming battle, General?

- God knows it will be lost.

- Then why should we go for it?

- To find out who is the loser.

A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings.

Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?"

Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!"

Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him.

"Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!

A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The warrant officer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the warrant officer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The warrant officer said, "Look I'm an warrant officer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

A trooper asks a sergeant:

- Is it true that man descended from a monkey?

- Yes, troopers possibly were. But not sergeants.

A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor Major. The Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard Operating Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One of these directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant would drive their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for. One morning, the Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the battalion had an intel report that was due at Division Headquarters within the hour, and his clerk, a PFC, was off that morning because of duty the night before. The Sergeant felt that he had no choice, the report HAD to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep and started to Division Headquarters.

As he got to the gate, the XO stopped him. In a very sarcastic voice he said, "Aren't we paying our drivers a lot these days?"

The NCO, without missing a beat replied, "Not at all, Sir, when you consider what we are paying gate guards."