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The best humor! Military jokes and funny stories.

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.

During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle.

The Sergeant said, "How'd you learn to shoot like that ? Have you ever been in combat before?"

"Well suh," drawled the boy, "To be honest, this is my first public war."

A destroyer pulled into a foreign port, and put down maximum liberty. The skeleton crew didn't notice a chimpanzee, escaped from a nearby civilian transport, crawled up the ropes and up to the smokestack. Down the stack, it made its way into the engine room. It came across a power panel opened up for maintenance, couldn't read the warning signs, and with a bright blue blast shorted out the ship's electrical system, and plunged the ship into darkness.

A little bit later, two junior Hull Technicians wander down with their flashlights, looking for the problem. They come upon the blackened body of the chimp. They shine their flashlights on its long, burnt arms. They look at each other. They highlight its short legs and odd feet. They look at each other. Finally one says, "Well, it's too hairy to be an Electrician, the legs are too short for a Hull Tech, and there would be more tatoos on a Bo'sun. Call the wardroom, see if one of the duty officers is missing."

Short-sighted sarge: "Attention! You also, you little one in the back row with the red cap!"

"But sarge, that's a hydrant!"

Sarge:"Anyway, in this place academics have to obey as well."

- When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant gets nervous and every hour reminds the sentry to report about the general's arrival. Finally, the general comes in.

- Where have you been? asks the sentry. The sergeant has already asked about you four times.