AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Military jokes and funny stories.

A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt.

Afterward a friend borrowed the truss to wear for his physical. At the end of the examination the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers.

"Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he asked.

"No," answered the doctor. "M.E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside down can certainly ride a camel."

Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to relate this incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the importance of clear objectives.

Finding an outpost at a very vulnerable spot, Powell decided to investigate why it was location was chosen. He was assured that it was a very important outpost.
"What's it's mission?"
" To protect the airfield!"
"What's the airfield here for?"
"To resupply the outpost!"

Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a barrel of potatos.

- In this day and age, the army should have a machine to peel potatos, complains Ivanov.

- Absolutely, answered the sergeant. And you are its latest model.

Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and as such was always trying to impress his company commander and the other officers in the Command. Daily he was seen jumping all over his officer candidates and yelling at them as he supposedly developed them into future Naval Officers. We were lined up behind his company awaiting our turn to go into the mess hall for lunch.
We all listened as Sargeant Williams yelled at his company, " you will eat in a military fashion, enjoy this delicious meal and fall by in formation at 1215, do you worms understand me?"
"Yes drill sargeant."
"There are only three rules in this galley, shut up, eat up and get up, do you pukes understand me?"
"Yes drill sargeant."
"Then proceed. Company forward march."
When they got inside, they were surprised to see several Miss Florida contestants getting a tour of the mess hall. Not one to let an opportunity slip by the drill sargeant yelled at the top of his lungs, " bravo company what is the first rule of the mess hall?"
To his chagrin, his company all yelled out in unison, "shut up drill sargeant!"

Airmen had to launch two E-3 AWACS from a National Guard base after a heavey snow strom. Well after a 5 hour delay waiting for the snow to be plowed of, they were able to take-off. The planes taxied off and stoped a hundred yards to the flight line. The civilians had forgot to finish the rest of the taxi way.